When Fearing is Fearful
This past weekend we had a leadership retreat for our church . . . the focus was on pruning in our lives and living boldly. It was an extremely challenging weekend of looking inward and personal evaluation. The weekend was capped off with an amazing time of confession and commitment. It is amazing how something so scary can bring people closer in community and have such a powerful impact on individuals and the community collectively.
Although it was extremely difficult I shared with the group that I had two sins in my life to confess. The first one is no surprise in that I need to continue to confess of pride . . . it is something that I will alway battle. The second one is a little more daunting but one that I think is extremely common . . . I know I am not alone.
It is . . . fear.
There are many kinds of fear but what I am referring to is the fear that if I truly give EVERYTHING to God, what he will do through me. Honestly, it frightens me when I think that God could do amazing things through me with full commitment. I think that I and others share this fear because we know that we will have to make changes. We know that our lives will never be the same.
It is interesting that in order to overcome fear . . . we must fear. A close friend of mine really challenged me in that the fear of the Lord should be greater in our lives than the fear of what he might do through us. In other words, fearing disobedience to an all powerful God should drive us to commit fully. My fear is displaced . . .
Another part of the weekend was committed to challenging us to live boldly for God. I think that these go hand in hand . . . in order to live boldly for God, we MUST fear him. We MUST live our lives in a radically different and bold manner . . . there is no better place to be than there. I think that we often fear this because it is unknown to most of us . . . but once you taste it, there is no going back. One we taste it we realize that we have wasted so much time in our lives . . . once we taste it we realize that others have to experience it.
God is teaching me to continually be broken before him . . . to fear him and his commandments . . . to step into his purpose for my life. It is a process. My prayer though is that I will learn to fear him daily . . . my prayer is that my pride will be broken . . . the promise that He will use me for great and might things should not be fearful . . . but exciting and fulfilling.
I am reminded of Psalm 119:41-48 which has become one of my life verses . . .
41 Lord, give me your unfailing love, the salvation that you promised me. 42 Then I can answer those who taunt me, for I trust in your word. 43 Do not snatch your word of truth from me, for your regulations are my only hope. 44 I will keep on obeying your instructions forever and ever. 45 I will walk in freedom, for I have devoted myself to your commandments. 46 I will speak to kings about your laws, and I will not be ashamed. 47 How I delight in your commands! How I love them! 48 I honor and love your commands. I meditate on your decrees.
Mike
